Well friends, I’m just about to the four month mark with this blog! You’re probably thinking, what’s special about four months? There’s nothing special about it. It’s not this great milestone like six months or a year. I just have felt lately that I want to celebrate just doing this and sticking with it!
Had you asked me last year, or even six months ago, if I would start a blog, I would’ve said heck to the no! I would’ve asked, “who would want to read my thoughts?” I would’ve brushed you off and said I love to read blogs, but writing them isn’t me. It was never a dream of mine to write a blog. I was reminded recently that my dream job when I was younger, was to read others words, mainly fiction, and edit them. Write? Maybe a bit of fiction, but not a blog.
Dreaming seems to be a hot topic lately, and to be honest, I don’t think I’ve had a dream for this blog… yet. Maybe because I want this to be a thing, like a real thing, or maybe it’s because of fear. Fear that if I dream of something or hope for this to become something, that it’ll fail. Yes, if I had to put some label it, it would be fear of failure or regret or the disappointment of not being able to maintain it.
I’ve rested in the fact that my hope and dreams cannot be found in this blog. That my hope for my dreams cannot be founded on what I put out into the world.
I’ve taken to audiobooks lately, mostly out of impatience. I have SO many books that I’d love to read, but I’m a SLOW reader! When I actually read, I search for those one-liners that just ring true in my story or in my season. Unless I physically write a note of some sort or put it in this blog, I most likely forget them. They just don’t stick with me like I wish they did! So, I’m testing out my auditory skills! So far, I still have to rewind and write down these little nuggets to remind myself later!
I’m currently listening to Rebekah Lyons’ book You Are Free. It’s been an interesting listen, and one line really stuck out to me yesterday: “Public affection cannot heal private rejection.” It had me think back to the voices that I listen to and this blog specifically. What I put here, I don’t want to be searching for your responses, friends/family, to help heal whatever it is that I’m working through. I also don’t want to project false idealism of who I think I am or where I’m at. So, I’m getting a better picture of what I don’t want this to be.
At this four-month mark, I’ve decided to put a stake in the ground. I was reading about this the other day – putting a stake in the ground. I’m the worst at remembering when and where I read things, and I’m sure it’s in one of my million open windows in my safari app. I just can’t seem to find it tonight. All to say – not an original idea! Anyways, it encouraged me to put a stake in the ground, so I’m putting a stake in wordpress?
According to “The Phrase Finder”, “When you put a stake in the ground it can be just to put up a tent, or to use a stake to tether an animal to…[or] claiming the ground as part of a claim of the land to be used as a home, or a new building, or a mining site.” Here, I’m claiming my piece of the interwebs! Maybe my dream for this blog is that it’s a mining site – that through it, I/we discover and find community with common thoughts/struggles/encouragement. We won’t always agree, connect, or engage, but I hope that it’s always open for that.
This stake may be more for hoping that I continue to push this, to push myself. To continue to write, process, and share with all of you. Even when I don’t feel like it. Even when it’s hard. Even when it’s vulnerable. Even when it hurts.
Perseverance. Diligence. Discipline. Those are hard words that I’m finding I need! But they produce, right?
“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” – Hebrews 12:11
So, what are you dreaming up? What are you hoping for? What can you do TODAY, RIGHT NOW, to take one step closer to it? Maybe it’s less hoping for dreams, and more doing of dreams. Maybe it’s daring to step out, or just a daily discipline.
I’ve decided on the daily discipline of writing. That looks like sitting down for 20 minutes every day to write. That doesn’t seem like a lot of time, and that’s exactly my point. It’s not, but it’s a place to start! Where are you starting today?